Intense

fast paced, addicting, fun, the sweat of your life....yup that would be my new work out program.

              TURBO FIRE

I've done two days worth of workouts and I absofreakinlutely  LOVE it.  I've done moves I never thought I could do or would have even thought of trying on my own.  I can't wait till we get to the toning and sculpting parts of Turbo Fire, but I have to wait over week. *tear* (I don't have to wait, but if I follow the workout directly, I do have to wait).  I don't know how I am going to make it through rest day...I am so pumped to exercise!

Exercise

Yeah!  So I tried the Zumba.  Can't do it.  I sooooooooo can't dance either, that's what Zumba taught me, one more thing to add to my can't do list.  *Chuckle*  Which apparently is the only thing on my can't do list...so far.

I've decided to stick with Hip Hop Abs and Slim in 6.  *Note* No dancing involved. (Big Smile with all teeth showing)

Thinking

So I've been doing A LOT it lately.  So my @ss needs to get into shape before my thinking becomes a reality. 

OMGosh, some of the foods I have tried are HORRIBLE, they have no taste or are just too plain bland!!!  TOUGH I have to get used to it if I want to get into shape.  I need to find an exercise program I can use that wont leave me bored.


I was beginning to think that this thinking post was never going to be posted, this is the third time I've stopped and started working on it.

FAT!!!

As I was looking at myself this morning in the mirror I was grossed out by what I saw, FAT.  I never really had a problem with my body, but lately here I've started to notice that I am way too fat.  I've always thought my body beautiful, but now I see this wiggling jiggling fat with HUGE hips, thighs, and stomach and it grosses me out.  I was never skinny, but I was never this fat either.

Last week I started an exercise program, Hip Hop Abs, I worked on it for a week, but yesterday I just had no desire to workout.  So today I am going to start over and try it again.  I have to stay motivated and I think with a little dietary supplement the fat may come off a little faster or at least help with aiding the exercise.

Yes, I know healthy eating is part of the process too.  I think writing here what I eat or even in a note pad may help me keep track of my weight.  I am going to try and do my best, I am tired of this blob of fat I call my body.  Time to get off my @ss and kick it with Hip Hop Abs for my 30min workout.

I wish myself the best of luck.

Work Outs...

I think I might have actually found one I can stick with, Hip Hop Abs.  Waiting for Zumba to finish downloading to see if I can actually keep up with that one.  WHEW, I need a shower.  I stink soooo bad, I bet a skunk would run from me.  I am actually gonna have to follow rules, that is after I make them.  Let's see:

1. No junk food
2. No sugary drinks
3. Drink plenty of water
4. No eating out at the drop of a hat.
5. Eat healthy foods
6. Keep up with exercise

I am sure there are other things I forgot to list.  I really hope I can continue this exercise routine.  I guess I will see in time.

Well, guess what?

The Earth moved and wrecked everything!  Well, it did when they were announcing that the horoscopes were being changed (Jan 13. 2011) and a new one being added.  REALLY?  No matter what I will always be a Scorpio.

Now that that is out of the way on to the next possible thing to come flying out of these crazy fingers of mine, my mind being an accomplice.

I had something in mind for this post, but like normal it has fled my brain and fingertips.  REALLY?  I might as well just buy a tape recorder and tape it to my face, so when I have a brilliant idea or something to jot down and have neither paper nor computer close by, wallah presto press the rewind button, instant play back.

Sometimes I feel as if there something missing from my life.  What?  I haven't a single clue.  Is there another path parallel to the path I am stumbling down now?  Would it be better or worse than the one I am on now?  Are the players the same? Is the surroundings the same?  What if...there are many what if's.  Too many to list.  Yes I know, BLAH BLAH BLAH, Charlie Brown's teacher voice.  There is just so much running through my noggin...(Buzzer) EEEEEEH wrong.  My noggin is just not a noggin...noggin is just too frelling plain (in a Ben Stine voice) BOOOORING!

I have this frelling feeling.  As of this frelling moment I have no frelling idea how to express what I mean.  I feel as if I should just let go and relax.  Oh how to explain.  I feel as if...ummm I should be a cut up instead of so serious about everything.  Really, you think it would be so easy, but NOOOOOOO, impossible more along the lines.  My grayish-pinkish thing up there in my noggin (aka - bowl) screams Act like a lady, you have manners use them, no one takes fun people seriously.  Yet I feel a thump sensation in my chest screaming Let it out, don't hold back, who cares if you make a fool of yourself, you have more fun when you act like a total loony.  Nobody cares about serious people, they take life to serious, besides you never get out alive. Conflict between heart and brain and its not even over choosing between a life where you can be set up if you follow this path or obsess over a boy!!!  HELLO?  Earth to frelling Rochelle, what to do, what to do, what to do?  This hand, that hand!  That hand, this hand!  So confused.

Dead Truck

On my way to the bank today my truck decides to start making a funny noise as I pull onto the on ramp to the freeway. I believe it to be my oil. Seeing as how I don't speak car and driver, I have no idea as to what it could be. I call up a friend of Wilson's, a tow truck driver, who knows cars pretty well too. Sitting on the side of the road it amazes me how many cars pass and not one of them, as of now, none have stopped to see if I need any help. Talk about southern hospitality. Of course, now days you never know about people. There is never a cop when ya need one either...makes me wonder about the world today.

If You've Never Loved a Soldier...You Wouldn't Know

If you have never loved a soldier, then you wouldn't know how it feels to watch him leave, never knowing when you will see his face again. You wouldn't know the pain endured and tears shed with every good-bye. You wouldn't know how it feels to hope and pray he comes back the same man you fell in love with. You wouldn't know how it feels to cry yourself to sleep for months on end, and the longing to simply touch his cheek. You wouldn't know the heartache after missing his long awaited call or the hint of happiness when you realize that you are now able to listen to the voice mail over and over again. You wouldn't understand why a Friday night on the phone with him beats going out with the girls. You haven't truly felt the lack of sleep until after those long phone calls that go on until midnight his time, six A.M. yours when you have to get up for work at seven.

If you've never loved a soldier you wouldn't know how it feels to go to a restaurant or to the mall, attempting not to notice couples holding hands, trying to hold back tears, knowing it will be twenty seven weeks until your fingers are once more intertwined in his.

If you've never had a soldier sweetheart, you would never be able to comprehend the immense pride that fills your smile when you wear his sweatshirt with 'ARMY' across your chest, or the reason you wear his dog tags: to always keep him close to your heart. You wouldn't know what its like to cuddle up in his clothes and grasp the teddy bear he made you last week, knowing that its the closest to him you can get. You wouldn't understand how decorating the back of your car with bumper stickers could ever be cool, and the connection you feel with another whose car wears the same emblem as your own. You wouldn't know the sacrifice, the willingness to let go of someone you love so much for the good of faceless strangers who would not have spared him a passing glance, had he been in his civilian clothes. You wouldn't know the feeling of uncertainty, never knowing where he will be sent next year, or next week. You would never know how it feels to be left alone with your hopes, dreams, and fears, to have your whole future hanging in the balance of the next couple months until he comes home.

If you've never loved a soldier, you would never fully know the meaning of the phrase: 'HOOAH' You wouldn't be able to comprehend the anxiousness of waiting for the mailman, the extreme joy when a letter finally arrives, and the tears that follows as you read his quick scribbled handwriting. You wouldn't ever have to send a letter with its stamp upside down to a faraway camp in a land you rather not know about. You wouldn't understand the anticipation leading up to the day when you can once again hold him in your arms. You wouldn't know why that feeling of awe over a man in uniform, has suddenly become a deep longing and grief because you miss your man so much.

If your heart has never belonged to a soldier you wouldn't know what its like to become ecstatic when you see a man in dress blues across a billboard, freak out when you watch the commercial on T.V., and feel your chest tighten when you read a sign that says Support our Troops, Bring Them Home! You wouldn't understand this because you do not realize that he wanted to fight, and as much as you need him, you know our country needed him more. You'll never understand the strength you have to muster up to be strong and put on a smile for the world, even though you feel so weak inside.

Unless you've loved a soldier, you wouldn't know that the meaning behind his girls smile is heartache and longing, pride and joy, willingness and uncertainty, and a love great enough to cross oceans, encompass deserts, transcend mountains, and overcome anything that comes between the two of them.

Courage...

is the ability to confront fear, pain, risk/danger, uncertainty or intimidation.  "Physical courage" is courage in the face of physical pain, hardship, death, or threat of death.

So stumbling bumbling along through deployment would be classified physical courage.  I give major props to those families that have a deployment over a year.  I salute those who have lost loved ones to this never ending hell.

I had this blog all typed out in my noggin before I made it to the keyboard.  Like clockwork now that I have made it to the keyboard, nothing.  Here I sit here staring at my blank screen yet again.

Every time I start to type, my mind would became flooded with previous jolly memories of holidays past.  Never were the gifts that important.  Nor the food or decorations. Pass on Santa Claus and the Christmas music. It's all about the time and fun I have while spending it with loved ones.  That's what's missing this year. I've had nobody to be my partner in crime for oh about, well a while now.

My physical courage is to beat this deployment hands down, while staring fear in its giant ugly face.
  
I will leave you with some quotes of courage.

• Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgement that something else is more important than fear.  ~Ambrose Redmoon

•  Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen.  ~Winston Churchill

• Courage doesn't always roar.  Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I'll try again tomorrow.  ~Mary Anne Radmacher 

• Courage is being afraid but going on anyhow.  ~Dan Rather
  

• Courage is doing what you're afraid to do.  There can be no courage unless you're scared.  ~Edward Vernon Rickenbacker
  

• Sometimes the biggest act of courage is a small one.  ~Lauren Raffo
  

• Courage is not simply one of the virtues, but the form of every virtue at the testing point.  ~C.S. Lewis

• The courage of life is often a less dramatic spectacle than the courage of a final moment; but it is no less a magnificent mixture of triumph and tragedy.  ~John F. Kennedy

 
 My favorite quote.

•  Fear and courage are brothers.  ~Proverb 

So in the Spirit of...

Boring.  Yup, the Spirit of Boring.  Today was a lay back and do not a dang thing, except watch movies.  Oh and munch on salsa and chips.  So far on my list of movies (yes old and new) I have seen:

• Princess Bride - A funny (possibly hilarious) story based on True Love.  I am a fan of romance movies, but I have to say I love the comedy in this movie more than the romance.  "The dread pirate Roberts is here for your SOOOOOOOOOOOUL."  There are many other areas in the movie that I also enjoy.  Westley dead part-("Why wont my arms move?"  "You've been mostly dead all day.")  Where the young boy interrupts his grandfather-("You mean Humperdink wins! Jesus Grandpa what did you read this to me for.)  

• Grown Ups - I swear I laughed almost every minute through this movie.  Too many hilarious parts to name just one.  Not only hilarious there was a few lessons in the movie.  Only real friends would be able to crack on each other like they did in this movie.

• Despicable Me -Yes, I am a sucker for kids movies too.  Hilarious moments, and the bad guy changing because the little girls he took in change his heart was a total twist in the movie.  The minions were freaking awesome. Parts of that movie I enjoyed: When they crack and shake the one minion who becomes a glow stick, where the girls are throwing toilet paper (Edith points at one of the minions and says "uuuuuh it was your cousins idea" the minion replies "WHAAAAAAAAAAAT"), "It's so FLUFFY," and there were many other parts of the movie that were just as great.

• Kate and Leopold - Another romantic movie.  It really is sad that there are people out there that treat their exs like Kate did to Stuart, but then there is a reason they are exs.  It also shocks the hell out of me how manors where back in the days, yet very rarely do they exist theses days.  I love the time period Leopold originated.  The elegant clothing, parties, and how everything in those days were slow (slow as in not go, go, go, go).

• Something's Gotta Give - I guess you could classify this movie as romantic.  I am not really sure what to put for this movie.  I enjoyed it.  I guess since my fingers are confused as to what put here, you'll just have to watch the movie yourself.

I really enjoy down time for movies.  Movies are great, you can live the character as if it were your life.  Don't get me wrong you can do that through really great books, but being able to actually see what is going on instead of having to visualize rocks.  Yes, I will admit at times I am lazy, but hey that's what Sundays are for, well mine anyways.  Oooo a possible movie to watch.

• Zenon:Z3 - "Zoom zoom zoom You make my heart go boom boom boom My supernova girl."  Okay so at 05:30 this just happened to catch my attention on the Disney channel.  Interesting movie, once again more lessons in the movie.  Not to mention Proto Zoa is cute.

That's all the movies for today. Time to drag my butt off to bed, I really need to get my screwed up sleeping schedule back on track.

❦Rochelle ❦

And Go...

They say the first impression is always the lasting impression.  I was never any good at that, never.  Pigs would fly before I leave a lasting first impression.  I am the shy, quiet type, that is until you get to know me.  Then I do believe most people would not want to know me (kidding).  Yup this is harder than I thought it would be, but I think I can do it.

The holiday season is just not the same when your partner is missing.  The only thing I have decorated is stockings, a nativity scene, and the count down to Christmas.  I have a few presents and I haven't even had the heart to wrap them.  New Years Eve I will have no one to share that midnight kiss with to ring in the New Year.  My partner will be 7,494.89 miles away from home.

Anyways enough of that pity party.  So on a happier note this deployment is almost over.

Why must our feelings be so complicated?  I can be happy as a clam and then down in the dumps the very next second.  BLAH.  Hey at least I guess complicated feels are better than none, gives me the feeling of being human stuck on this beautiful planet living my chaotic life.

So sitting on the couch staring off in a daze, I've been having a lot of thoughts about the future.  Just a bunch of passing thoughts.  Many of them questions and many just thoughts, but yet all so confusing.  HELP!  Sometimes I feel like Harry from Something's Gotta Give (2003) when they are in Paris during the birthday scene (Erica and Julian hold hands till after Harry says "make a wish") the oh my goodness I just realized I love this woman so much and she is in love with someone else, if I love her this much and she is so happy I will let her go.  Not really sure if that made any sense.  The sudden realization.

Wow another pity party.  See like I said, up and down.  Sitting here listening to music has made me realize that I could have done something better with me life.  No, no, no I am not cracking myself, well maybe, but I am happy with the way my life is turning out so far (ask me again in 5 years I might have changed my mind).  But truly, I  enjoy my life as if I were on a cool autumn Sunday stroll in the park you always see in the movies.  Where the trees line the edge of the path.  The path that is big enough to fit three cars down, with the benches on both sides ever spaced so evenly.  In other words, the place you go to escape this chaotic world and feel at peace.  I am at peace with where I am in my life.

❦Rochelle ❦